The Thatcher Life: Survival Mode

Sawyer

Sawyer's been a handful to say the least these last couple of weeks. The closer he gets to three, the more I understand the term "threenager".

He's been pretty adamant about not wanting to use the toilet but one day, on a whim, we went down the aisle with all the potty training stuff and I showed him that we could get him a small toilet that was just his size (I think most of the reason he doesn't want to use the big toilet is that he's afraid he'll fall in). He actually seemed pretty jazzed about it so I decided to buy it. The next morning he wanted to try it out and I wasn't totally ready. There were no charts, no guide books, no prizes..so we just kind of went for it. I've heard from everyone to just let them go bottomless at first. So we turned on movies and Sawyer parked it on his potty pretty much all morning. And, you guys, he did really, really well. Like, so well, I was thinking to myself, "Hallelujah! My kid is a potty training prodigy. Finally, something that came easy." HA. Then nap time happened and when he woke up he wanted pants and a diaper or the world was going to end. I tried pants and no diaper and told him we'd just pull them down to go potty (because he totally understood the whole needing to go and holding it until he sat on the toilet business, as displayed for hours that morning.) But he just kept peeing in them. I tried bottomless one more time which almost pushed him into full blown panic/rage mode. So basically, he teased me with the thought of only one kid in diapers and then rudely took it all back after a few hours.

His anxiety is ever present. I know I write about it every post. It's just consuming. My dad took him for a ride to get a treat and to visit Grandma Paula's work just to give him some separation. He was pretty mad about it as they walked to the truck from our front door, but as soon as he was strapped in, he was fine and stopped crying. One step forward.

This last Sunday, he about did me in. Sundays are absolutely the hardest day of the week for me almost every time. Ironic and not appreciated. He was on one during the first hour of church. Rolling on the floor, crawling on the benches, flopping around and whining. I had had enough and pulled him out from under our neighbor's bench for the zillionth time so I could whisper mom-instructions in his ear. He started screeching as loudly as possible. I pulled him on my lap and tried to talk to him quietly. He threw his head back and caught me in the chin which made me bite my tongue. I got ticked and, not so gently, grabbed his face so he could look at me while I scolded him. He cried as loudly as humanly possible with giant tears running down his face. Completely inconsolable. I thrust him at Dillon to be taken out. Dillon handed me the baby and I held back fat, hot tears of my own at being so frustrated, feeling like a bad mom, and feeling like a spectacle to everyone around us.

I then made a loser decision because it was most likely based on the fact that I was still frustrated by the day, but I figured that it was time for Sawyer to try to go to nursery again without me or Dillon. He had done pretty good with my dad, hadn't thrown up for awhile, and, frankly, we were tired of going. We've been going to nursery with him for over a year. I was over it. So we both walked him over and calmly told him to go play with toys. He literally lasted thirty seconds before he threw up all over one of the nursery leaders. Dillon and I hadn't even gone down the hall yet. And Sawyer's been back to high alert anxiety mode ever since because I pushed him when he clearly wasn't ready. Two steps back.

There's been so much good and plenty of cute in between those few events. The hard moments certainly aren't the majority but also can make me feel like I'm drowning in parental failure and/or confusion while I'm in them. BUT to wrap up Sawyer's update on a lighter note, he has been really concerned about the wrinkles that result in his hands from bath time and will splay his fingers out while inspecting them and then exclaim, "Broken! Broken!" while waving them around. We've explained that it's from the water and that his fingers will fix themselves which he has taken as a reasonable explanation. He also calls all tigers "tiggers" because of Winnie the Pooh and I love it.

I love this boy. We're in a hard stage but he's sweet and loving and I love him.

Dawson

Dawson has been completely weaned. We were supplementing a little just to top him off after nursing since my body wasn't keeping up. After a couple days of that, he was completely over nursing because bottles are so much easier. Pumping was pretty ineffective, like it would take me a good three sessions for one bottle. So I decided to just take a couple of weeks and wean. I would have liked to stretch it out a little longer but it just wasn't in the cards. I kind of had mixed feelings about it even though I kind of hate nursing. But now, I'm mostly just relieved. With the exception of the tiniest break, this is the first time in three and a half years my body hasn't been responsible for growing or feeding another human being.

Now that I can actually see how much milk Dawson drinks I can definitely say that he eats like a horse and it is pretty apparent that he was getting just enough from me to get by but it wasn't really as much as he needed, or maybe just not calorie rich enough. He now sleeps through the night since he's actually full and that is the best benefit of all.

Dillon

Dillon decided to come with me to the eye doctor and get an exam done for the first time in ten plus years. He had one traumatizing experience of losing a contact in the back of his eye when he was a teenager and hasn't gone back since. I kept telling him that every contact wearer has that happen at least once and that his eyes were just going to get worse since he was straining them and making them work too hard. After seven years of marriage, he listened to me.

The eye doctor zipped through my exam and said that my eyesight hadn't budged (which it hasn't in fifteen years except for the tiniest bit after having Sawyer, they went from 20/75 to 20/80). He then did Dillon's exam and said, "Yeah, you can't see. Have you been driving around like this?" Not well, doctor. Not well. Dillon's right eye is the same as it was years ago, 20/80 but his left eye has gone from 20/15 to 20/50 (the straining is to blame folks, his right eye is his dominant one but has worse vision which was making his left eye work too much...after we were done Dillon looked at me and said, "Hey, you were exactly right." #sciencedegree #iknowthings #doubter). Dillon decided to try contacts again and put them in great while we were at the office so I figured it was smooth sailing but the exclamations of frustration coming from our bathroom at 5 am the next morning proved that was not the case. But he's gotten better at it and he says his eyes are adjusting pretty well to the contacts.

DaNae

I'm waiting for my body to figure itself out right now and regulate all the things. And I'm looking forward to being done with a nursing bra because they all suck. I have yet to find one that I actually like. But I don't want to drop money on a new, normal one until things normalize.

I noticed that Dillon and I were in a date night/quality time rut. The kids would go to bed and if we tried to stay up, we'd pick a show, Dillon would pull out his phone, and I would fall asleep. So Dillon and I decided to go back to taking turns being in charge of date night for a month at a time, with at least one date being out of the house.

This last week I decided to do a more juvenile and girly at home date night and we did makeovers after the kids went to bed. I let Dillon do my makeup (which was pretty educational for him as he figured out what did what) and he let me do his. I have pictures but Dillon has refused to let me share them for fear of being teased. I told him I was going to write about it and he said that was fine. So, your family still knows Dillon. THEY KNOW. But really, he was a good sport and it was a fun (and free!) date night.

We did a Jurassic World themed date night at home this weekend which I planned courtesy of the Dating Divas Their website is full of date ideas- at home, out, group. So fun!

Sharing and they don't even know it.

One thing Cedar City definitely does not lack is summer festivals. We went to the Water Festival put on by the city and Sawyer had a blast.

Getting sprayed by the fire engine's water hose.

Other kids were racing through this thing and Sawyer would just mosy along, taking his dear sweet time.

Going down these slides in a wet swimsuit caused a lot of stick, and funky angled limbs.

Dillon was a good sport and helped Sawyer go up the stairs but decided one round of that was plenty.

From Instagram: This picture of my church-ready, bedazzled two-year-old was just about the only good moment of the day. The rest of it felt like an absolute 💩 storm and had me questioning whether or not I have any effective parenting skills at all 😭 So now a remedy of chocolate chip cookies and binge watching Parks and Rec at least has me surviving until bedtime. Here's to a fresh start tomorrow, eh?