The Rest of September

Sawyer

We've spent a lot of time experimenting with Sawyer's church-related anxiety and how best to help him feel calm. I took him with me to a Relief Society activity since Dillon had softball and I knew Sawyer wouldn't go in the nursery room with Dawson and the other kids. We walked into the activity, he saw one of the Sunday nursery workers and promptly barfed (thankfully we had the trash can by us). I was just going to stay home after that but he was so sad because I had told him that he and I were going to go to dinner together, just us. He cried and exclaimed, "Dinner with you! Stay with you!" So I cleaned him up and back we went. One of the men from the ward, who was serving dinner, saw us and whipped out some brand new fidget spinners for Sawyer to pick from and play with in hopes that it would help distract him. It seemed to do the trick and we were able to stay for the rest of the activity. It was a really sweet gesture and so very appreciated.

Sundays have still been hard. We tried having my parents come, bringing different toys, giving him a heads up that it was church day, not giving him a heads up, sitting in a different spot. But so far nothing has worked. My dad and Dillon gave him a blessing to help Sawyer know he's loved and to hopefully help him feel safe. The words from little Sawyer's blessing have helped me to be less frustrated and to just embrace that this is an obstacle for him right now. And maybe that's how it needs to be. More love and assurance, less "fixing".

Thankfully, about 98% of our ward members have really rallied behind our little guy and have offered sympathy and help. There have been a couple of people who were not so helpful, more condescending and critical because, clearly they have all the answers. BUT after letting it bother me for a minute, I've decided to ignore them and really just be full of gratitude for the majority of kind, thoughtful people that we're surrounded by.

Sawyer is loving the days that he gets to paint. He decorated a shirt that is his designated "Painting Shirt". The first time he wore it though, he immediately wanted it off. I think it was because the puff paint made it stiff and he didn't love how it felt. After that first time of convincing him to keep it on, he's been cool with it for as long as he is painting. As soon as he's done, he wants his regular shirt back.

One day when we were painting, I painted a smiley face on his paper. He thought it was just about the best thing he's ever seen and asked for me to help him do one. And now he asks for help to "do a happy" over and over and all of his artwork is filled with them.

Lately Sawyer and Dawson take turns waking up way too early for my liking but on the days that Sawyer wakes up before his brother, he clambers onto my bed, asks for some blankie and snuggles right on in. Sometimes he reaches out so that his hand is touching my arm, sometimes he softly pats my cheek and whispers, "S'okay mommy" and sometimes he chatters away about the things on his mind. Those early mornings are some of my favorite moments with him right now.

Dawson

Dawson got a belated eleven month post here and already needs another update because he's changing so fast. One of his newest, and most favorite, developments is to crawl behind our couches. Because he knows he can fit and I can't. He'll crawl right to the middle so I can't pull him from either side and just laugh and laugh. I've had to create a chair barricade to block the gaps so I don't have to keep sliding the couches out to get him out.

He is suddenly really nervous about the vacuum, which came out of nowhere. When I turn it on, he immediately crawls up to me to be held while it's in use.

He's become really awful when it comes to car rides. He's never really loved being in his car seat but he became pretty chill about it once he decided binkies were okay. Now, however, he chucks his binky and screams even if it's just a five minute ride to the store. It's pretty much horrible.

He thinks it's funny to head butt...basically everything. Our heads, the wall, the washer, the floor, his toys. He does it so, so hard and then laughs at himself. He almost always has a bruise on his forehead from it.

He gives some of the best little loves. Every time I get him out of his crib after he's been sleeping, he smiles, leans on my shoulder, and sighs a sweet little sigh. Melts me. He's generous with his loves all around but definitely only when he's in a good mood.

Dawson has decided in the past couple of weeks that diaper and/or outfit changes are pure torture. He wails like he's being skinned alive, turns purple, and makes all of his neck/head veins pop. He tries to roll away which, of course, makes it take ten times longer. We both are generally breathing like we've run a marathon by the time it's done.

Dillon

Dillon has been in charge of date night this month and has been rocking it. One night he looked up some Harry Potter food recipes to make and we discovered that pumpkin pasties are not, in fact, a dessert. They're almost more pot-pie-ish. But they were delicious along with the butter beer recipe we tried. He also took me to see the movie Home Again which was full of cheesy happiness. I really need that kind of movie sometimes. Just a feel good, everybody wins kind of movie. And I love that Dillon will see those movies with me and genuinely enjoy our time together, no complaints.

Dillon also had some really awesome developments at his work that led to him being moved to salary rather than being an hourly wage employee. We get to see him more and he doesn't have to stress about making up hours if he happens to miss a day (there are so many other benefits but those are two of the top for us right now). We're so grateful for the blessing that this is for our family and to see Dillon's hard work paying off.

DaNae

Lately I've really just been trying to remember how fast time goes and to really revel in the good moments. I'm not perfect at it but after realizing that I only have the smallest window left with Sawyer before he goes to school, the saying, "The days are long, but the years are short" kept sticking in my mind. So I'm trying harder to play with my babies more.

I finished the "How to Parent Your Anxious Toddler" book and was disappointed. Not in the book itself. It has some really, really great tips; even just for parenting in general. But it didn't really have much to offer for the specific situation we have with Sawyer. It had a few tidbits to offer under general separation anxiety but those were mostly things we already do. Which I will take as good news, because at least we seem to be on the right track but I was hoping there would be something new for us to try. 

More and more, I'm really grateful for kind children. Especially the ones who are older than Sawyer but are so sweet to him. Particularly the kids who we don't know but happen to run into at the parks we visit. Those kids who will play with and help Sawyer really just make me so happy. I totally understand the older children who don't want to play with a random two-year-old (I think I was more like that) and don't hold a grudge against them at all. But there have been a few older kids who have been outright mean to Sawyer and have ticked me off. (Like the little girl who purposely kicked him in the chest with both of her feet and launched him so that he hit the back of his head on the pavement. She was probably eight or so and apparently didn't want him to breathe by her. I totally was "that mom" and told her to try harder to be nice and not purposely hurt little kids and then told Sawyer she was a mean girl and not to play with her). Those kids make me even more grateful for the includers of the child universe and remind me to try to teach my kids to be that way.

Caterpillar painting

Dawson clapping

Playing Kerplunk with Dillon

The pumpkin pasties Dillon made. So pretty!

Painting his shirt

Watching Austin play soccer. He looves these glasses that I *think* Mason gave to him. They made it home with us after a Delta trip and Dillon made it sound like Mason gave them to Sawyer so hopefully that's the case and we didn't actually steal them.

Stop loving me mom

Such joy and straight up heartbreak during our Target visit

He's at the age where the rides in the mall or at the grocery store are just so tempting and fun

A little morning head pat

Dawson is too short to reach the toys at the bottom of the box but still insists on trying. It makes for some good laughs.

At Braden's football game. Sawyer likes to help by pushing Dawson in the stroller every chance he gets. Also, notice the glasses again.

The best picture of this hammock baby in some Fall weather

Hanging with the adults in Sunday School

TJ Maxx excursion. Glasses still going strong. 

Decorating cupcakes

Icing duty. And the cupcakes sprinkled by Sawyer.

Just happy to be part of the group during our cupcake decorating

Sawyer asking to "do a happy"

All of those smiley faces in his painting and coloring

Helping with some juice drinking

Dawson has become really attached to this stuffed Hedwig he got for Christmas from Dillon's sisters. This is the best picture I could get of him snuggling it because he rubs it back and forth across his face so..blurry. But it's the cutest.

Sawyer was being so funny with his fish face and asking for bedtime kisses so I tried to get him to do it again while I videoed and instead I got this desperate, "Wanna go to bed!" from him.

His typical state when his requests are not met how he wants them to be. In this case, I took away a snotty tissue before he could play with it.

This tunnel is a favorite hangout

Dawson Eleven Months

Dawson learned some new tricks during his eleventh month. He claps his hands and grins when he's showing off for people, and then gets exactly the reaction he wanted because we all say, "Yay!" so he'll do it again. He has started to walk himself around by holding onto the edges of stuff around him. He is a MAJOR climber. It stresses me out. He's finally starting to crawl on his knees more but still opts for the army crawl when he wants to go fast. He'd really like to stand in the tub and get's really angry about the fact that I won't let him. He's getting good at using a straw which will make switching him over to straight sippy cups a lot easier. He's started to resist going to sleep for naps and bedtime because he knows he's missing out. He doesn't usually last too long (usually, sometimes I have to lay him back down half a dozen times) before he realizes he is in fact tired. He's pretty sure he's in charge of everything and that we should bow down to his every whim. We love this little munch.

Perfect little baby pool

In the big pool with Sawyer

These brothers have my whole heart

He loves to play with the juice boxes that my mom dropped off at our house. I opened one to see if he wanted to drink it. Nope. He just really likes getting in the cupboard, tossing them around, and hauling a few around with him.

I generally have to clean them up about ten times a day.

Morning wake up with big brother

His first time swinging

He consistently is interested in EVERYTHING that Sawyer was NEVER interested in so I haven't had to baby proof it. Our XBOX, TV box, cords, etc. are number one on his list. This couch worked as an obstacle for about a week.

The climbing

I love when they're just barely tall enough to peek over the arm of the couch.

Clapping

Bath time at Aunt Kristin's

A little too short to reach the toys at the bottom of the box. Hahaha. Don't worry. I helped him. After the picture.

Grandpa Ken

Sawyer

Sawyer has officially developed the skill of blowing his own nose. This is particularly wonderful since I haven't been trying to teach him to do it at all, and he just did it all of the sudden. I will take any new skill he develops that comes easily as the best gift ever.

When he's particularly pleased with the flavor of whatever food or drink he's consuming he declares it as, " 'licious!" Sometimes, "pree good" but usually, " 'licious" is where it's at.

He apparently is now afraid of entering our church building entirely because he assumes it means nursery. Dillon went to go with him to nursery a couple of weeks ago (WITH him, not leave him there) and they got two steps in the door when Sawyer threw up everywhere. So the next week I told Sawyer he could just go to mom's class the whole time, we wouldn't even walk by nursery. He seemed fine until the closing hymn started to play in sacrament. He looked at me all panicked and exclaimed, "Toys, no! No. Toys." and while I tried to tell him that he wasn't going to play with toys but was going to go to mom's class, he threw up. Ugh. We cleaned up the floor, I took Dawson to Sunday school (the second hour of church) and Dillon took Sawyer home to change and then come back. We survived Sunday school and I decided to take Sawyer with me to the third hour while Dillon took Dawson with him. Our Relief Society president had a treat for all the women that she wanted us to grab before the lesson started. I picked Sawyer up in my arms and went to get in line when he started to gag (he must have thought I was leaving him? Or taking him somewhere else?). So I tried to run out in the hall while covering his mouth. And he puked. Again. Down my dress, all over himself, a nice trail on the carpet. And then I realized that I had left our bag. I ran back in (while trying to balance the puddle of digested pretzels sitting on my chest) to grab our bag and Sawyer continued to empty his stomach in the hallway. I started to scrub the carpet with wipes while trying to console my inconsolable son when a few sisters jumped into action and literally brought me to tears of relief. One went to go grab Dillon and some cleaning powder from the nursery. One whipped out her own container of wipes and an empty Ziploc bag for me to clean Sawyer off with. And the others started cleaning up the floor. They told me to go ahead and go home with Sawyer; that they would take care of it. They insisted that it was not a big deal. But it was a huge deal for my overwhelmed and completely frustrated self. But we made it home, got cleaned up and everything was much calmer.

This last week Sawyer had big puddles of tears welled up in his eyes when we told him it was time to get ready for church and he wouldn't let me out of his sight. He mostly sat on my lap during sacrament and would repeatedly ask if we were going to, "yours class" and I would reassure him that he was going to be with me the whole time. But when the closing prayer was said and everybody was filing out, he still started to breathe heavy and then vomited literally three seconds after that. So home it was. At this point I pretty much glared up at heaven and demanded, "What gives? I'm just trying to attend church but going inactive is looking pretty good at this point." I was full of petulance, clearly. Not my finest moment.

Sawyer is currently sporting one pink toenail. He saw me touching up some chips on my own toes and wanted to know if he could have a turn. I kindly obliged, but only one toe because there's no way he was going to be able to handle five of them drying while he held still. We took turns blowing on it until it dried and now he happily points out his toe to all the people and lets them know that we fixed it.

Dawson

Dawson is a big, old Daddy's boy. He loves attention from most anyone but when his dad is home, he follows him around like crazy and whines for Dillon, and only Dillon, to hold him. And he chatters away at him, telling Dillon everything about his day. The cutest.

This baby is going to be responsible for all of our emergency room visits. I just know it. He does things I never had to worry about with Sawyer. (1) He climbs on EVERYTHING and gets to places that he shouldn't be able to, constantly giving me a heart attack. (2) The other day as I came back from throwing something in the trash, I found him reaching into the deepest corners of the tray on our fireplace and pulling back ashes to shove in his mouth. (3) While I was giving him and Sawyer a bath he kept trying to stand up and then as I was making him sit back down, he got mad and threw himself forward, causing him to slip head first into the water. He was only that way for a split second since I had a hold of his little limbs but man alive, it was scary. His stubbornness and determination to try to defy death every day is wearing me out.

Dillon

Dillon's fall softball started a few weeks ago. The first game he missed a couple of grounders and as a result bought a softball, rota-tilled our garden, and made me hit grounders at him in our backyard. So funny. He also sported a gigantic thigh bruise from one of the softballs for a while and would wince every time the kids touched his leg. Poor guy.

A couple of weeks ago Dillon's sister Kristin called to tell us that their Grandpa Ken wasn't doing very good. Dillon decided to leave work early and we drove over to Delta so that we could see him. When we got to the house, it was clear he was struggling. He couldn't get out of bed or keep anything down and he was having a hard time recognizing people. It hurt to see him hurting. 

We were there while his home teachers gave him a priesthood blessing. Dillon talked to him and then we left in hopes that he could get some rest. We drove home the next day so that Dillon could get a few hours in at work and later that day got the news that Papa Bozo had passed away. We are so glad and so grateful that we had the opportunity to see him one last time.

As painful as it is to lose people, Dillon agreed that it was comforting that his grandpa had lived a long life and that he didn't have to suffer long after his body was done. I only had the opportunity to know Grandpa Ken for a little over seven years and I can tell you that he was a big ball of kindness wrapped in a bubble of gruffness. When Dillon and I decided to get married, Ken bought us our temple bags and clothes as a wedding gift. So priceless. He was also responsible for putting me in a position of having to bathe a naked family member by offering the opportunity to make twenty bucks but not telling me how- that story will have to be typed out in all it's glory another time but it will live on in infamy.

Grandpa Ken had specified that he didn't want a lot of fanfare after he passed and that he wanted to be cremated and buried by his tree on the farm. So we traveled back to Delta for his memorial service the Thursday before Labor Day and then the family buried him the next day. Dillon and his family also spent some time going through the house and separating the things that his Nana had labeled for specific people before she died. It brought up a lot of memories and stories that were great to hear. Grandpa Ken (Papa Bozo) will be missed and it makes me sad that our kids won't know him better but what a special thing for him to be reunited with Dillon's nana and other family members.

DaNae

I had my first "if I don't get out of here by myself for a hot minute I will LITERALLY go crazy" moment and told Dillon that the boys would be staying with him for an hour while I went somewhere. Anywhere. Frankly, I needed a chance to miss them because I was so on edge. It hadn't even really been a hard day (at least not more than usual) but I was feeling particularly claustrophobic (and hormones probably played a role). Ironically, I ended up at a store and bought stuff for the boys with a gift card we had. Seems about right. And then I grabbed lunch for just myself, parked in a parking lot, and ate it in the car. All alone. It was dreamy. And the perfect little sixty-minute reset I needed to be a human again.

I've also been playing Taylor Swift's new songs on repeat and getting excited for her new album. She is one artist whose CD's I consistently purchase. This past week I considered the fact that I should probably be a little embarrassed that I'm almost thirty and am still totally into her music. But then I remembered that T-swift and I were born in the exact same year (I'm not a stalker fan but learned this fact when she title her last album 1989) so I can't be too old for her music when we're the same age. Right? Right. Anyway, her first song took a couple listens and then I was hooked but I will admit I'm not totally loving the second single she released.

Trying on a hat at Papa Bozo's

Allie and Dawson

Taking this Frazzle obsession to the next level

We took Thank You cookies around to the ladies that helped clean up his bodily fluids during church

Making some sensory bottles

Water, oil, and food coloring *this one is only cool for a little bit and then get's murky*

Letting him help with the corn syrup for the second bottle

And the glitter. Face palm.

This bottle (water, corn syrup, and glitter) is still going strong and has a snow globe effect. Sawyer will shake it and then say, "Pree cool" while he watches it swirl. Every time.

At the memorial service

Conning Jaidyn into going outside so he could look at the moon

Dillon's dad and siblings after the burial

Papa Steve and the grandkids

Grandma Ronna and the grandkids

His favorite seat that day

A little Gossner's Milk

Dawson had plenty of opportunities to be loved on

Me and Daws-boss

Eating at the Taco Truck in honor of Papa Bozo

Delta has the best little..creek I guess?..in their city park that the boys love to play in

Andee and Dawson

Bathtime

At the splashpad with Allie

This is where Sawyer wanted to be literally every second of our Delta trip. One morning he woke up bright and early and immediately wanted to "Go juuump?" And he basically took turns asking different family members to go jump. Then started abandoning that tactic and would just let himself out when we weren't looking.

Playing with Kailey. Allll the dirt. Kristin's tub had a nice mud layer after the resulting bath.