The Thatcher Life: Changes

Sawyer

Sawyer's anxiety has taken an uptick since we had Wren. The first night of his sleepover at my parents was fun, but doing a second night while we stayed in the hospital was too much for him and now he's nervous to hang out with my parents without me and Dillon present. He loves his grandparents but I think he thinks that he's going to have to stay for an extended amount of time again. But we're slowly coaxing him back into some separation from us.

Preschool started last week and oh boy, was it quite the event with little Sawyer. I expected some nerves but I thought that it all would be kind of tame since the routine and people are the same as last year (for the most part). But on the first day, he had a full on attack/meltdown full of lots of tears and gagging. He kept running to the trash, "I'm throwing up!" and then nothing would come up. Between his screams and cries he kept telling me things like, "I have big feelings! I don't want to go to school with big feelings!" "My tummy is full of throw up!" "I don't feel good. I don't have to go to school when I don't feel good!"

I managed to get him dressed and snap some pics and then we waited for the bus. When the bus pulled up, Sawyer totally lost it and tried to squeeze himself behind our porch swing while crying and screaming, "I'm scared! I'm scared!" I got him to come out and load the bus and he seemed like he was going to make it. I told his new bus driver that when he gets nervous, he pukes. She nicely replied, "Okay, we'll try to keep him calm then." Ha. ("You poor, naive soul", I thought). About two minutes later, they pulled back up in front of our house and poor Sawyer was covered with throw up and crying about his new Nike shirt that he wanted to wear to school. I took him inside and got him cleaned up (while the baby, who had had a blowout, screamed her head off.. chaos, guys. such chaos). He asked me with tear filled eyes, "Mommy? Can I go to school tomorrow?" And, knowing we needed to get him over this hump, I told him he was okay and that I was going to drive him to school after we got everything cleaned up. So I got all three kids cleaned and ready, put on a real bra and pulled my hair up (mom life going strong) and took him to school. His teacher texted me that he did great while he was there and had a good time. I knew he would and that he just needs to get used to everything again. The bus brought him home and he was fine. We decided to ease him into it by having me take him in the mornings for a few days and having the bus bring him home.

The rest of the week looked like this.. Day 2: So much crying, gagging, and begging to not go. Then literally scream sobbing at me as we walked to the school and barfing all over his (newly washed) Nike shirt again. Quick change in the middle of the street because I knew we'd need new clothes and then continuing on while Sawyer yelled, "Stop! Walking! Mommy! I DON'T WANT TO GO!!" and "I just don't want to miss you!" (Really pulling at those heartstrings, little fella) and when I told him he's safe at school, they love him there, replying, "I just want to be safe WITH YOU!" Oy, buddy. Got him to the school while he cried and hugged his TA and then told her, "My mom forgot my backpack." (Like, you little traitor how about you tell her why I forgot your backpack ha.) Day 3: Much of the same. The only improvement was less screaming for the neighborhood to hear as we walked to the school. Day 4: Sat and cried by the toilet for two hours. TWO HOURS. Gagged and exclaimed, "I'm throwing up!" every 2 minutes. Told me he didn't feel good every thirty seconds and insisted he shouldn't have to go if he didn't feel good. Etc. Etc. When the bus got there (because we decided to have him ride it since me taking him wasn't doing any good) he happily skipped to the door while telling me goodbye. Like, why do we have to have hours of misery??!

He always has fun while he's there and is always happy when he comes home. It's just getting him there that is the struggle currently. I basically just say the same things to him on repeat, "Practice breathing like Aunt Kristin taught you. You're safe at school and have fun there. Even though you're nervous, you still have to go. I love you, you're okay." Hoping for some improvement soon.

Sawyer had a surgery consultation in St. George for his hernia that he was born with. It never closed on it's own so it needs help. It turns out that he actually has two hernias. The one we were aware of that is a couple of inches above his belly button (a ventral hernia) and a tiny one in his belly button that just makes it look like he has a half-outie (umbilical hernia). I wondered about the belly button one but thought that maybe that was just how his belly button formed. The doctor we met with was really great and considerate of the fact that Sawyer struggles with anxiety and assured us that we could get him some calming medicine upon arrival (versed, basically kid valium) and that they don't worry about IVs or anything until the kid is fully asleep. He was also really great interacting directly with Sawyer during our appointment. It should be a pretty simple procedure that doesn't take too much time at all (still nerve wracking for this mom but I'm grateful Sawyer's in good hands.) All of that will be in a couple of weeks.

And on a separate and kind of silly note, I had to order new shoes for this kid.. again. His feet are growing like crazy! He's moving out of size 13 and into size 1 shoes. The 1's are a little big but the 13's are squishing his toes. He's probably really in a half size range but I don't feel like buying 13.5's just to buy 1's in like a month ha.

Dawson

Dawson got to start going to gymnastics and is really thriving having something of his own I think. He would sometimes tag along to Sawyer's classes last year and was more into it than Sawyer was. And since Dawson is too young to be signed up for much else, I decided to let him try gymnastics. We've only been going for a few weeks and each time I have to gear myself up for the energy that needs to be expended to make it happen with a newborn and our mornings of preschool emotions with Sawyer, but it's definitely worth it. Dawson's already made progress and is having a good time (unless they try to flip him, he's having none of that).

Although he's still very prone to tantrums, our bedtimes and naptimes have improved about 80% of the time. I'll take it. I've been following @simplyonpurpose on Insta for awhile now but haven't really taken the time to watch her videos or anything. I finally decided to watch a few of the highlight bubbles (about tantrums and bedtime actually) and it's helped so much. Interestingly, trying to nurture Dawson by giving him what we thought was just a little longer, loving bedtime routine was actually making things so much worse. Mostly, when we would sit by him for a few minutes after we'd done everything else because those few minutes were never enough for him no matter how long we were actually there. And he would go into hour long screaming fits. Relentless, rage filled screaming for at least an hour. It was horrible (and sometimes still happens but not nearly as often). So now we've trimmed the boys routine down and it's much more peaceful, especially for little Daws. I thought he would lose it when we changed it but we just told both the boys the new routine and said we were changing things so that they could fall asleep faster and get better rest, and it's been pretty great.

Wren

Little Wren is just growing and changing and I'm having a love/hate relationship with the speed of it all. I feel like she's my first baby where I've really appreciated exactly how fast it all goes and so my heart seriously feels like it gives a painful little ping every time I think about how much she's already changed in what feels like the shortest blink of time. She already isn't a huge fan of sleep snuggling on my chest anymore and would prefer to be held a different way which is sad because that chest snuggling is my favorite. She does still love to be held though and lately won't nap really great unless she's in our arms. Sometimes I'm all about it and love to hold her. Other times I'd like to get some stuff done. But, again, I know it goes fast so I'll just keep on holding her when I can. And just know, if you're planning a visit, that my house is basically filthy. She went through what must have been a little growth spurt because she was all about the cluster feeding and it was not super fun. She caught her very first cold which was sad but thankfully lasted a very short period of time. I blame the fact that she has older siblings bringing home germs because we haven't really taken her to a lot of places with a lot of people. Her brothers are still so sweet to her and each like to call her their own thing. Sawyer likes to call her Baby Girl when he talks to her and Dawson likes to call her Baby Sister with the occasional Wren thrown in. This summer weather is not her favorite. She's made it pretty clear that she haaaates to be hot (and I don't blame her, nothing makes me ornerier faster than unbearable heat).

Dillon

Dillon has been pulling night time duty with both the boys. Even before school started back up, Sawyer started having night time anxiety attacks again. He's been waking up a few hours after we put him to bed, visibly worked up and then puking. Thankfully he's gotten good at making it to the trashcan but there's still some clean up and calming down that needs to happen. Dawson has been waking up with demands for his music to be turned back on or some other thing like that (although that has ebbed with our new bedtime routine) or he'll sometimes sleep at an angle that makes his diaper leak so then new jammies and stripping down the crib needs to take place. And Dillon has taken care of that most of the time (unless I sometimes take mercy on him because I've just finished feeding the baby and am awake anyway and he's peacefully sleeping.. because he hears nothing during the night.. nothing. How would it be?)

On that same note, he and Sawyer occasionally end up having unintended sleepovers in the TV room on the weekends. After we all go to bed, Dillon will sometimes stay up to play games. If Sawyer happens to wake up with a bad dream or something, he'll wander down to Dillon, curl up on the couch and go back to sleep. So once he's done playing, Dillon usually ends up sleeping on the couch with Sawyer rather than moving him back to his bed.

Dillon's been back at it with fall softball. Nothing too majorly different except that he came home the other night all stiff and sore and told me that he had run into the fence trying to catch a ball. He showed me his shoulder (which is the one he had surgery on, of course) and I was like, "Holy crap! Taking city league ball a little seriously are we?" It was a pretty gnarly scrape/bruise.

DaNae

The first week I took Dawson to gymnastics, the coach (noticing Wren in her sling) asked me how old Wren was and after I told her she exclaimed that I was "managing really well" with all three kids and coming to the first week of class (Sawyer came too because school hadn't started yet). I really, really appreciated her compliment and at the same time thought, "Appearances sure are deceiving." I'm currently choosing (or really having no choice with) what's being "managed" and what's getting less of my attention so I certainly don't feel like I have it together but it was nice to have my effort acknowledged.

I'm kind of missing our recent "boring" days we had between having Wren and school/activities starting. For me, the calm (though sometimes, yes, boring) was a nice pace. But I know my boys were struggling with kind of being cooped up, so overall I'm glad that they have stuff to preoccupy some of their time.

Wren at one month.

She doesn't really love any binky but she'll take this cheap soothie better than the exact.same. binky that's attached to her wubbanub duck that was definitely much more expensive. Babies.

Grandpa Dale took them to get some treats and after some negotiations (and Sawyer discovering he does not, in fact, like bottle cap candies) they decided to swap and then sat and enjoyed their candy and drinks on the front porch. It was a good, sweet little moment.

Baby girl and I had a good time rocking away while we listened to Taylor Swift's new album and read the lyrics.

Tried to capture a first day of school picture. It was a little rough.

He was literally sobbing and then tried so hard to say, "Cheese!"

The sweetest smile that flickered across his face for a millisecond when I tried to get him to laugh.

Dawson's turn.

Dawson was so excited when Sawyer made it back home that first day.

Practicing his tuck at gymnastics.

Enjoying the inflatables at Dillon's work party.

Dawson did not love the slide as much this time around.

A little sibling battle.

Just hanging out after Dillon's co-worker's wife held her so that we could eat dinner with both hands.

Riding the elevator on the way to his consultation. Elevators make his day and are usually his favorite part of anything if they're involved.

Enjoying the tiny water bottles offered in the waiting area.

He got nice and comfy while we waited for the doctor.

After consultation dinner date.

He is so excited that we are back to pumpkin season. He saw these and said, "I stand by them. You take a picture, pleeeeaaase!"

At Sawyer's first soccer practice. He freaked on the way there but I think it's because he didn't know what to expect and it was new. That anxiety is just the worst. Poor dude.

He was fine once we were there and kept asking the girls if he could give them a hug. Just the girls ha. I'm not sure when this became a thing but at least he asks, right?