My Big Brother

Today my oldest brother Dustin would have turned 29. It has been seven years since he passed away. On this day, and this day only, do I go out by myself to place a single yellow (his favorite color) rose on his grave. I don't generally go out to the cemetery unless my mom asks me to go with her. Time hasn't made it easier for me to gaze at his headstone and feel connected to him.

I miss Dustin like crazy but, for me, the cemetery is not where I feel close to him. I feel close to him when I hold one of his favorite shirts that I kept, the yellow-striped button-up. I feel close to him when I listen to his Pearl Jam and Creed CDs. I smile because he is the reason one of my first CDs to own was a Creed album. I feel close to him when I hang his favorite type of Christmas ornament on our Christmas tree. I feel close to him when I think about how he was my favorite person to talk to about my achievements, big or small. When I told him my ACT score, for instance, he called all of his friends to let them know how smart his sister was. He was always so proud of me and I loved him for it. I try to keep making him proud every day.

My family is blessed to have a piece of Dustin here with us in his son Braden. His mom Steph and her husband Corom are really amazing people and they are so good to include us in their and Braden's lives. Below is a portion of a video that was made in remembrance of Dustin. It's my favorite part to watch and re-watch. Braden was in a toddler race in an event that takes place every year in Panguitch. He smoked everyone with encouragement from Dustin and Steph. Dustin was so proud and rushed to congratulate Braden with a high five. I love it because it's not a still picture. I get to watch Dustin smile and interact with his son.

There are a lot of things I have learned through Dustin's passing and one day, when I'm ready, I think I'll share the whole experience. For right now, I simply want to share how wonderful he was and how terribly I miss him. I am so overjoyed to know of the plan of salvation and the peace it brings to me and my family. I know, without a doubt, I will see Dustin again. I am so looking forward to that day.

Happy Birthday in Heaven, Dustin. I love you.